What to Do When You Cheat on the Woman You Love?
Infidelity happens across the world. But it’s not only men who cheat. In Singapore, family lawyers say that 50% of extramarital cases are against cheating wives. This article, though, looks at betrayal from a male perspective. It highlights some of the ways a man can come to terms with—and potentially fix—a regretful affair.
First, let’s look at why some men cheat more generally. Identifying causes can help those who are at the thinking stage. Use this time to pause for thought and reconsider your possible betrayal.
- Common Triggers
There are no “justifiable” reasons for a cheating spouse. However, there are common triggers to watch out for. The question any man must ask of himself is whether an affair is worth the risk if he still loves his partner? Even a one night stand can jeopardise what is—up until now—a beautiful relationship between two people.
Here are some of the better-known reasons why a man cheats:
- Has developed unrealistic expectations from the relationship
- Loves his wife but is sexually unfulfilled
- Feels the marriage lacks emotional support
- Boredom; fantasises about new experiences
The reasons for cheating—or thinking about it—can be complicated and varied. Some men cheat because they fall in love with somebody else. Others do it out of lust where an opportunity often presents itself unexpectedly. Even fantasising about being unfaithful suggests something or some issue needs addressing.
- After He’s Cheated
Below are 7 practical tips on what to do when it’s too late to prevent a cheating episode. These are suggestions only. There is no single strategy for every case, so take what works and adapt the rest to your situation.
#1 Stop cheating, end the excuses
Most men don’t enjoy being unfaithful. And behavioural changes are inevitable, no matter how carefully one tries to hide their infidelity. The cheating man lies to his partner about where he’s been and what he’s been up to. Alibis can only stretch so far, and such deceit is no fun. There’s only one route to repairing the damage caused to a relationship. That is, put an end to the cheating and looking for justifiable excuses to carry on.
#2 End the lies
Husbands and boyfriends who cheat need the memory of an elephant as they navigate a web of untruths. Lying is hard work and limits one’s life. Most men who lie to a partner always trip up—eventually. Try to end the habit of lying once the cheating stops so you can rebuild trust with your companion. It’s trickier to salvage a relationship if you get caught being deceitful; it’s even harder if you lie about your infidelity. The latter is a double whammy.
#3 Accept responsibility and wrongdoing
Few men like to admit they’re wrong even when they are. Despite that, anyone who’s serious about repairing a relationship and reputation needs to act. That means accepting responsibility and wrongdoing. You don’t want to blame your partner even if you think she drove you into the arms of other women. Blaming doesn’t solve anything. It’s better to own your misconduct and offer your partner a sincere apology. This is your first step.
#4 Be careful what you reveal
You need to be open and honest, but be careful what you reveal. If a particular detail could leave your partner devastated, then it may be best left unsaid. There are times when you need to be mindful and considerate about what you say. Choose your language with care. Pick a time and a setting that’s more suited for a confession. You might want to prepare a few answers to any anticipated questions as well.
Should you tell your partner if she doesn’t know and the affair is over? Well, that depends on how you think your wife or girlfriend will react. Experts have different views on this, but it’s ultimately your call since you have to live with the decision you make.
#5 Give your partner space, be patient
Coming clean about infidelity has its consequences, especially in the short term. Try not to hound your partner for instant forgiveness. A much better approach is to allow her privacy. She needs space to cool down, process the shock, and come to terms with the confession. Emotions are sure to run high, so this is not the time to force a conversation. There are things you can do to let her know how sorry and serious you are about making good.
#6 Be open from this point forward
You should feel better after confessing your unfaithful behaviour, but your partner won’t. There’s a good chance she’ll be suspicious for a while every time you walk out the door. There can be no more secrets if you’re serious about patching things up. Be open, and let your partner know where you’re going before she asks. It’s the only way to bring new hope into a relationship at a time when trust levels are low.
#7 When to seek professional help
The time to seek expert help is when the rift between you and your partner fails to heal. Couples counselling is for any couple—married or not—who want to stay together but find it hard. Mantor offers transformational programs that can take your relationship to the level you desire. With coaches from around the world and tremendous experience, you are bound to experience lasting change and clarity about the future of your relationship.
- Closing Thoughts
There are many reasons why someone cheats on a partner. It’s hard to justify infidelity. If you’re genuine and want to make amends, there’s usually a good chance for that to happen. Deliver your confession with care and with compassion for the one receiving the news. Every case is different, but the suggestions above can help you to better prepare.