How to know that you are in an unhealthy relationship?

When one is in a relationship they know that any relationship comes with its good, bad and ugly. Most times we look past the issues and focus on the bigger picture, being with someone is comforting as opposed to the pet peeves of the person that puts us off. But what if we told you that bottling up what bothers you about the other person is not the most healthy practice. What if we told you that running away from facing the differences will only make you less sure about the person you are with in the long run. Let us look at the signs of a unhealthy relationship together

You feel lonely

Honestly, as cliche and on the surface as it may sound, this really is the base of any relationship. Why does one want to be in a relationship? To find comfort, security and a feeling of togetherness. If those pillars are missing are you at all into a relationship? Feeling alone has got very little to do with physical proximity and the number of times you see each other in a week and has a lot more to do with how you really feel when you are together and apart from each other. Do you feel secure around them and not feel the FOMO when you are away from them? Remember, a partner isn’t your everything and you should be able to live your life without having them around all the time but they should be there when you need them the most.

You are holding grudges

Feeling terrible about something your partner did or said to you but you are just not ready to confront them about how you truly feel? It is natural to be scared of wanting to confront someone you love about topics that might be touchy. But are you being real at all if you are just walking on eggshells around each other? Also, holding a grudge will always keep you in a constant state of distrust and anger. And who would want to be with someone who isn't really capable of letting go and finding a way out of something that can be resolved by a mere conversation. If you want to change something, call it out, there is no gain in keeping it with you and burning yourself over it.

You have stopped arguing

We know, we know you would say that isn’t not arguing is a healthy sign? Well, the answer is yes and no. Here is the thing about arguments, as long as both of you accept the fact that as two rational adults you will have differences of opinion and you are ready to put that on the table and try and define the ways you would disagree or argue - It is safe. This is the sort of ideal state one can envision to achieve, the relationship zen we would call it. Just imagine being in an argument and coming out of it without feeling threatened, objectified and dejected. The issue arises when you completely shut down and do not find it worth having an argument. It does not mean there are no issues, it simply means one/both of you do not care to actually talk about your feelings.

You have started to find everyday comfort in other people

Listen, prioritising friends and family is important irrespective of being in a relationship or not being in one at all. But if that has sort of become an escape route to ignore your partner and buy time off then you are really not doing a service to your own self or to your partner. You are simply being distant and trying to find an outlet for how you truly feel in others. What is the point of being with someone if you don’t really feel the need to find comfort in them? Ask yourself, are you hanging with your friends more because you need them or because you are simply compartmentiling a part of how you feel today?  

We don’t want to leave you on a sour note, if you resonate with some of the things mentioned above, it is time you take up a concrete step to fix your relationship or find alternatives of being/not being with the person that you are with. Check out Destination Satisfaction, Mantor’s custom curated program on relationships and start your journey towards a happier self and a much more fulfilling relationship.