8 Ways to Break Up or get Divorced on Good Terms
No man gets married, thinking he’ll become just another divorce statistic, in fact the thought of divorce does not even enter the minds of many men especially in Asia when they are getting married. The reality, though, is that some do. A marital split can be ugly, so this piece explores 8 ways to break up or get a divorce on good terms. It’s even more necessary with children involved.
This page is not only about ending a marriage. Lots of couples split up without ever tying the knot. Whatever your status, separations can hurt and need handling with kindness.
- Breaking Up Is Never Easy
What’s the best way to break up? An honest and respectful approach is the way to go. There are mutual splits, but in most cases, someone wants the split more than the other and people get hurt. And contrary to widespread beliefs, males suffer from breakups more than females. Men find coping on their own after a breakup a real challenge. It’s in everyone’s interest to part ways on good terms.
- How You Breakup Matters
The brutal way in which some men end relationships is so unnecessary. An empathetic man is more likely to gain respect and remain friends long after the split. You already fit into the caring category if you’re here looking for sympathetic ways to end your relationship.
Here are 8 tried and tested strategies that work.
- It’s always better to have this difficult conversation face-to-face
- Honesty is the best policy
- Get support through a community or credible professionals
- Always be respectful
- Avoid the blame game
- Press pause and listen
- Beware of social media and what you share
- Break up safely
Consider the above tips as you prepare to announce the breakup. A clear, compassionate approach has a much better chance of ending on good terms.
#1 Break up face-to-face
It’s easy to break up over a text message or email if you’re not married, but it’s cold-hearted. No matter how bad things currently are, remember that your partner is someone you once loved and cared for, think about how it would make them feel when you are not there in person and they find out. The news would soon spread about how you did it, and that won’t go in your favour. Others may view you as a coward and someone who has no respect for people. The face-to-face approach is harder but kinder. If you can’t meet in person, consider a virtual service like FaceTime or Zoom where you can at the very least, be visible.
#2 Honesty is the best policy
Be as honest as possible about the reason for the breakup. The only exception is when the truth might needlessly harm the other person. The direct approach may hurt, but it also helps the rejectee come to terms with the split quicker. At least this way they won’t be wondering why.
Say a few pleasant and supportive things if you genuinely mean them. And tell your partner you hope that they can find someone who gives them the love in life they so deserve.
#3 Get support through a community or credible professionals
Breakups and divorces are hard, no doubt about it. There are communities out there that help in bringing together men that have gone through similar experiences. Don’t underestimate the power of speaking with a stranger versus someone you know. There is no fear of judgement and the stakes are low. Communities like Mantor are very specific and bring credible therapists and professionals that can guide you through this difficult time in addition to giving you peer support. Since they are going through the exact same thing that you are, or have been there and done that, it might bring value to you.
#4 Always be respectful
Couples sometimes split after months or years of fresh starts. You may not like your partner by the time you decide to end the relationship. However, a breakup is no time for arguments or playing games. Don’t fall into the trap of getting them to break up with you. A little respect doesn’t cost anything and goes a long way to soften the blow. The best way to de-escalate an angry exchange is to walk away and agree to continue the conversation later.
You might despise the now ex-partner, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person. It just means you no longer like them. The feeling is probably mutual, but that doesn’t make you bad either. Such intense feelings tend to subside when separated couples have had time to reflect.
Try to be attentive to the following rules of respect during the breakup:
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you end the relationship
- Agree to disagree where necessary
- Try to keep calm and be polite
- Prepare to compromise on possessions and any outstanding issues
- Apologise for any wrongdoings on your part
- Agree to meet again if there are still unresolved issues after the split
#5 Avoid the blame game
Pause before you speak to avoid saying something you regret. Avoid the blame game too. Accusations don’t achieve anything positive and may lead to ugly arguments. Consider replacing YOU with WE and OUR. For example, “OUR wants, needs, and expectations are no longer aligned.” Or you could say, “WE have drifted apart in recent months, and it’s nobody’s fault.”
#6 Press pause and listen
Those who listen more and talk less are great conversationalists. Okay, you’re the one breaking up, but it’s better to have a conversation than it is to give a lecture. Your now ex-partner is sure to want to say something, e.g., voice their opinions, and express their feelings. Try to be patient, let them speak, and answer any questions they may ask calmly.
#7 Beware of social media
You may feel relief after the breakup, but spare a thought for the other person. Your partner may be deeply hurt and upset and have trouble coming to terms with splits. It’s a time to press the pause button and be mindful of what happens next. There’s no need to update your social media status or remove photos of happier times just minutes after the separation.
Men who break up from their partners can hurt too, especially with long-term relationships. There’s no need to trash all memories on the same day. You want to hold on to some things if you remain friends afterwards. If not, remove or delete stuff from the public view if you want to over time. This approach is less harsh and has a kinder, more compassionate feel to it.
#8 Stay safe
Safety is the last on the list of breakup/divorce tips because it’s not a common concern. But some men do suffer from physical and verbal abuse too. It’s vital that you stay safe if you’re breaking up from an abusive relationship. Consider meeting in a public place if you fear for your safety.
Alternatively, take a friend or family member and ask them to stay close by if you expect trouble. It’s also one occasion where a breakup in writing could be the best way to end the relationship.
- Summing Up the Breakup/Divorce
Online communities like Mantor are doing programs on how to deal with life after a separation or divorce after you have gone through this step. Both men and women stay in loveless or abusive relationships for all the wrong reasons. Now is the time to get out if you’re adamant that what you had together is no longer salvageable. The tips above can help you prepare in a way that makes the event smoother and less stressful all round. A thoughtful and patient split also has a better chance of you parting on good terms. To keep posted with regular updates from Mantor find us on Instagram and Facebook