3 Ways Men Can Move on From a Breakup or Divorce with Their Partner
3 Ways Men Can Move on From a Breakup with Their Partner
This article looks at 3 ways men can move on from a breakup or divorce. Few like to talk about it, and even less show their wounded feelings in public, but men hurt too. It’s true, male and female minds are wired in different ways, and so are the coping strategies. These differences don’t stop the rawness of pain, which can affect a reluctant rejecter as well as rejectee.
Most new relationships start with rainbows and butterflies, shrouded in ironclad love. Sadly, splits become inevitable when one half of a couple loses that once impenetrable bond.
- Move On or Mope Forever
No man wants to cry himself to sleep forever, although tears can help to ease pain in the short-term. But in the long-term, a failure to move forward is harmful to mental and emotional wellbeing. Communities that support men’s mental well being often tackle these issues head on with peer support and therapists. There are also physical costs. These are typically the result of chronic depression, loneliness, and a loss of self-esteem. For these reasons, it’s critical to know how to move on.
- Acceptance Is the Key
Couples may drift apart because one person falls out of love. If feelings are mutual, then so is the breakup. In these cases, the split is sad but not devastating. The separated couple may even stay on friendly terms. Most breakups, though, fall apart because of a growing sense of mismatch. A mature acceptance of this is never easy, but it does make the split less agonising.
- Why Couples Break Up
Married couples reveal more about each other the longer they’re together. That can be a good or a bad thing, depending on the person. It’s why whirlwind romances often run into problems soon after marriage.
The 3 common reasons couples drift apart and break up or divorce in the twenty-first century are:
- A significant breakdown in constructive communication
- Opposing views on long-term wants, needs, and expectations
- One person evolves and their fundamental views on things change, the other does not evolve in the same way or they disagree on too many things.
Point one is the easiest to fix if the couple agrees to connect more openly. But there’s little room for compromise if points 2 and 3 stay the same. And no one should expect the other to change who they are. Nor should they discard long-held beliefs to salvage a failing relationship.
- 3 Ways Men Can Deal with Breakups/Divorces
Each man is different and needs an approach that works for him. There are, however, three golden rules proven to help with the healing process. For men that need more personal support, online communities like Mantor can help by providing peer (men that have been through similar experiences) and professional support.
- Allow some time to grieve
- Reconnect with your inner self
- Talk it out
Let’s go over these healing processes in more detail.
#1 Allow time to grieve
Divorces and breakups hurt, especially if you thought everything was fine within the relationship. Grieving is both natural and necessary as part of the healing process, but men are not particularly good at it. The flip side of the coin is denial, acting as if you’re not bothered. It’s impossible to move on while in denial. Allow your heart to break and don’t hold back the tears if they need to flow.
Avoid suppressing feelings. Instead, allow yourself to feel, as this opens your emotional relief valve. The grieving period is also an excellent time to reflect on the failed relationship. It’s not a time to play the blame game, so accept the situation for what it is. Try to recognise your role in the split, and see what you can learn from that.
Here are some suggestions to help speed up the grieving process at the end of a relationship:
- Stop blaming yourself, even if you were the cause of the breakup/divorce
- Permit yourself to feel the emotions, e.g., hurt, sadness, and loss
- Write your feelings and thoughts down as they appear
- For a short while, remove all connections to your ex, e.g., calls, messages, emails
- Talk to family members or friends you can trust or join communities that can support you
- Pause to reflect, focus on the positives
These concrete steps are sure to help you move on quicker. Heartbreak is a natural psychological experience that affects both mind and body, so let it out and let it heal.
#2 Reconnect with your inner self
A man must take care of himself following an emotional breakup/divorce. The period after the grieving process presents an ideal opportunity to take stock of your life. It’s a time to reconnect with your inner self and do something positive for YOU. Think about what you could do, where you might go, or who you’d like to hang out with now that you’re free.
A little enjoyable distraction is not the same as blatant denial. Becoming active with your newfound freedom reconnects you to yourself and other people. Here are a few ideas.
- Get active. Work out, or enjoy nature walks (make it a routine)
- Get out of the home and spend time with friends
- Start an enjoyable new hobby or restart an old pastime
- Plan a new adventure
The time after a split presents the perfect opportunity to pursue new things and meet other people. But try to steer clear of romantic relationships right after a breakup or divorce.
#3 Talk it out with Someone
The opposite from talking something out is to bottle it up, and that doesn’t help the healing process. Men have never been very good at discussing feelings, but the millennial male is more open to it. Talking is good. If you can’t approach someone close to you, then consider a qualified therapist or peers that might have gone through it themselves in online communities. They can help you let it all out.
The main benefits of being a part of online communities or therapists include:
- A safe space to explore the hurt and pain of an emotional breakup/divorce
- Advice on how to develop new coping strategies
- Provide a different and neutral perspective to the one in your head
- Therapy helps to stimulate self-esteem during the rebuild process
- Dangers of Not Moving on After a Breakup/Divorce
Some men refuse to move on after an emotional breakup/divorce. It’s a dangerous precedent that can lead to all kinds of chronic health issues at worst and a miserable life at best. Moreover, it stops you from forming new and meaningful relationships with other people.
You haven’t moved on if you display any of the following behaviours.
- Continue to contact your ex despite her request for you to stop
- Obsess over the ex-partner’s social media
- Try to bump into your ex accidentally on purpose
- Self-care is low on the priority list
- Become a social recluse
- Find yourself bad-mouthing the ex, or women more generally, to others
- Dull the pain with alcohol or other mind-altering substances
- Jump into a new and meaningless relationship to distract from the breakup/divorce
- Refuse to talk about the split with anyone
- Take Advantage of the Tools
Consider the 3 ways to move on in this guide if you can relate to anything on the previous list. It’s only when you change behaviours that behaviours can change. Online communities like Mantor are doing programs on this topic. Nothing can stop the initial raw pain of an unwanted breakup or divorce. There’s no magical cure, but there are effective ways to lessen the hurt and speed up the recovery process.